Monday, August 24, 2009

i wanna hang on to something, that wont break away or fall apart-like the pieces of my heart.

READ THE PREVIOUS BLOG FIRST!
THIS IS MENT TO BE PART TWO..


so again, here i am in my hotel room with more mixed feelings than i expected.
there's no short way to summarize this entire experience, so as i'll go over it in the best way i can..with lists, of course.

what i'll miss about dublin
my amazing friends
girl talks with greta
spanish parties that last until long after people have gone to work for the day
getting piercings at body shock
it's half ten at night, and there's still sunlight
taking sunrise dublin pictures after long nights at work
the calming walk from eddie rockets to home at six am
the spire
buskers on grafton street
st. stevens green
tuesday nights at trashed/saturday nights at the button factory
buttermilk soda bread from lidl
tesco vodka
not sleeping at home four out of five nights
temple bar
visiting the door men on 4 dame lane
my flatmates being confused when i actually come home
Penny's
baby guinness
irish accents
irish boys (one in particular..)
going into eddie rockets after a night out and complaining about how much i hate the music
good craic
learning spanish
not remembering the spanish i learned
going out for "just one drink"


throughout this entire experience, i've made mistakes, made the same mistake again, and again, and finally learned from them..most of them. to some people, i've given too much, and to others, i've not given enough. i've tended to friendships, and allowed them to grow, and others i've left to wilt and die, some on purpose, some on accident. i've had more money than i thought i did, and i've been more poor than i'd like to remember. i've had to rely on people and ask for help, and i've had to struggle and figure things out on my own. i've prayed and worshiped. i've been vulnerable and i've been strong. i've cried, laughed, argued, hated, loved, been loved. felt lost, alone, hopeless, stranded, abandoned, forgotten, played, worn down. i've grown and matured. i've lost a part of who i used to be. i've found out who i want to be. i've started my journey on how to get there. i've gotten free drinks, free entry, free coat check, free concert tickets. i've had sleepless nights and hungover mornings. i've been stressed. i've been at peace. i've learned that i can only give my heart to one person at a time. i've hurt others, and i've been hurt i've sang and i've danced. throughout this entire experience, i've lived. life is made to be lived, and it's the only thing i know how to do with it. life's a crazy, confusing, captivating thing, and i've learned to live it.

i honestly don't know how i feel about going back to canada. people keep asking me, and i don't know how to respond.
i feel happy to see my family and friends again. to share with them the things i've done, and to hear about what they've done. to have sleepovers and to go for coffee.
i feel anxious, because i know so much has changed. so many relationships i've had with people in vancouver has changed, and i'm not sure how i'll deal with them when i get back.
i feel worried that i'll be bored. i know that there are so many things to be excited about in vancouver, so much to see, but i feel that it's just not where i belong anymore. i'm leaving a big part of me in europe, and i'm expecting to not feel right when i get back.
i feel excited. i know i've changed, and the challenge of not loosing myself to who i used to be scared me, but excites me at the same time.


you see, there's something that happens to a person when they leave there home for a time to live somewhere else. i left vancouver knowing that i'd be back. i said goodbye to my friends and family knowing that i'd see them again, knowing when. knowing in my mind that yeah, things would change there, i'd change, but i'd only be gone for six or seven months..not a big deal. i left ireland saying goodbye to a life i built up from scratch. people tell me that i can go back anytime, and it's something i plan on doing, but it doesn't settle the feeling that's built up in my heart. it's as if i'm going through a mourning period for my life in ireland. vancouver's so different. i could explain this to someone who's never done something like this before, and there's no way they could understand exactly what i'm feeling right now. but to someone who has gone through it, will go through it, or is going through it, no explaining has to be done.


peace and love
xx

globes and maps are all around me now..

alright, so here's the plan; i'm going to write this in two posts. the first will be a quick summery of where i've been, what i've seen, ect of the last week or so, and the second will be a kind of final blog-where i'm at now kind of thing. make sense? doesn't matter, read on regardless.

budapest
not what i thought it would be, but lovely just the same. way too easy to get lost in that city-no joke. my new friend alex and i went on a lovely walk one evening after it finished raining and took pictures and had wonderful conversations. we also went to the baths, where it was impossible to not feel like a princess in a far off land! it was so beautiful, the water was so warm, the sun was so hot! my train ride leaving budapest was nice, i met a friendly girl who lived in vienna, and we talked about traveling and life issues. i missed my train to prague by a few minutes, so i camped out in vienna for the night..an experience i don't have the energy nor the will to write down here. let's just say that i made it through the night alive and leave it at that :)

prague
met up with alex again in prague (she left budapest the day before i did) and also met some nice turkish guys that alex had befriended the night before. the first night i was there we all took a walk to the hard rock cafe where some old men sure were rocking hard! we left shortly after said men finished jamming..we think maybe they had to go to bed, so we followed suit. alex left the next morning for Frankfurt and tried to convince me to follow her again, alas, prague was waiting to be explored, and my money was running low. i'll say now, that prague was the place i was most excited to go to. everyone i met last summer when i was backpacking through europe said, "prague's amazing, go! go! go! prague! prague! prague!" so..i went to prague. and now i'm left to say, "prague's amazing! go! go! go! prague! prague! prague!" it's the cutest little city that never gets old. you can really see everything in a solid eight hours walk, but you can also take your time and enjoy everything, keeping you there for days on end. sadly, there was a great deal of construction being done on the bridge, and travelers get restless when they're standing in the sun for a half hour without moving.

bratislava
i don't really know what to say about bratislava..i figured i'd go check it out since it cost me less than five euros there and back, so i suppose i could say it was worth it. the old town is really cute with lots of little shops, and on my first day of exploring i found an area with a stage set up and benches. i saw some people getting ready to sing, and it turns out that they were a christian tour that led worship, and then a paster came out and started talking to everyone. even though it was in Slovakian, it was nice to sit and enjoy. i felt that it was a lovely surprise from God, because i had a million and one things going on in my head that day, and i was wrestling spiritually with a lot of things. He'll never cease to amaze me. the following day i went up to the castle and had a picnic in front of the parliament building.

vienna (again!)
the thing i love about revisiting a city i've already been to is that i can feel so at home there. i spent a few nights at a friends house in vienna again to pick up my bags and just relax before heading to munich. after arriving thursday night, i went bowling with him and a few of his friends. friday i went to a park and lay in the sun, and saturday i headed to munich(just barely making my train)

munich
wow! i'm going through these fast! thankfully, the computer hasn't overheated yet.
okay, so i think i'm leaving a bit of my heart in munich. saturday night i walked into town (my hostel was about 20 minutes outside of the city center) and took a few pictures. the good thing is that i was already here before with teresa and toni when teresa and i flew in from dublin, so again, it felt a little familiar to me. sunday..wow! sunday was a great day in munich. i went to a modern art museum (it was only 1 euro to get in!) and observed some amazing art, and some ridiculous art, as you would expect to find in any modern art museum, i suppose. after the museum, i went to the park in munich, which is europes largest inner city park. shortly after entering, i cam across a massive group of people playing the drums, and people sitting in the grass watching. it was such a hippy fest. love x10! after a few hours of that, i continued my walking, and stumbled into a massive group of young guys riding bikes and doing tricks off this one building. they were having some kind of mini competition. shortly after, i was walking through a beautiful garden, and under a gazebo were ten or so couples swing dancing, with a crowd of people surrounding them. europe is the best place ever. there's something going on behind every corner! today i met up with kelsey, and we hung out for a few hours before meeting up with one of her german friends. it was so nice to hang out with someone from home, and to experience some german culture (i tried on a dirndl!)
so now, here i am in my hotel room (thanks sandy!) thinking about the plain tomorrow, and reflecting, which brings me to my next blog entry which i'm sure has been read already..

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

i need your love

wow! i'm so rotted. i almost finished writing my blog about the past week, and my new friend alex (we met on the train to budapest) and i decided that we wanted to get something to eat before we wasted away to nothing. so i put my computer on the "sleep" mode, but yet it somehow manages to overheat anyway, and i loose everything. so, you're about to read the shortened short version of my lifes events as of late;

the day after i arrived in austria, toni had a job interview in another part of austria, so the fastest way to get there was to drive through germany. therefore in one day, i was in austria, germany, austria, germany, and finally, back in austira for a night of good food, and good wine :)

the following day, we went to a water park where i worked on my tan, and after a few hours we went for a lovely drive through the mountains to go see a "doctor" that teresa wanted to see. after that, another great meal, three epesodes of Hereos, and more wine.

on thursday we went to this beautiful lake up in the mountains, but i had to stay in the shade, because we didn't have sun lotion
friday i took the train to vienna where teresa's good friend bernie was waiting for me at the station. he helped me with my bags and we went back to his house. it's a lovely home in the middle of this turkesh neighbourbood, where the internet cafe also sells flowers. i think if i moved to vienna, i'd want to live in his flat..well, not with him of course, because it's a bit small. also, the shower was in the kitchen, and it would get a bit anoying all the time avoiding the kitchen (which is in the middle of everything) whenever someone wanted to get clean..but the point is, it's such an interesting flat, and i'd love to live in one very similar one day <3 after we got back to his, i franticly regesterd for my classes, because i was unable to do so on the train, and we got ready to go to an african festival where his friend was playing in the band. it was the nicest thing ever! a bit out of town, but there was a ferris-wheel across the street that bernie and i decided to take a ride on. on the way home, i sat on the back of bernie's bike, and he showed me around all the sights, and it was beautiful! everything was lit up, and the buildings were massive!

the next day i went out for a bit to take some pictures, and play tourest. i went to the treasurey, and i saw some pieces of wood that was said to be on the cross that Jesus was crusified on. also, there was the nail that was believed to have been driven into His right wrist. it was the most overwhelming thing! i had no idea that i'd see anything like that there, but aparently it was handed down through royal families, and given as gifts to other royal famlies, ect (of course, the rich people have been keeping such things..) i met up with bernie shortly after at a bar and i drank this beer thing called ridler or something..it was half beer and half lemonade (more or less..) and it was so good! i think i'll make it when i get back to vancouver, hopefully it'll taste as good. we met up with teresa then, and went to see the same friend play in a bar that we saw the night before. toni came by for a bit on his way back to his home, so it was nice to see him again too :)

sunday i had the whole day to myself, because bernie was working on his thesis, going to work, and then going to see his family who'd just gotten back from vacation. i went to the train station first, to figure out where i'd be traveling to the following day (budapest it is) and then started walking around, taking random pictures, and meeting a group of guys who were trying to talk me into going to a clasical music concert. the failed, but i made friends with them, and this one guy gave me his number and said he wanted to take me for free when i got back into vienna to collect my bags to go back to munich/vancouver..so, we'll see if that actually happens or not. after hours and hours of walking and taking pictures i decided to call it a day, and head back to bernies. after he came home, he put this program on my computer to get rid of all the random shit i didn't need so it would be faster (because, if anyone's ever tried to use my computer before, you know that while you're waiting for a page to load, you could nap, shower, rob a bank, buy a new car, go on a road trip, come back, eat lunch, and you'd be almost ready to see what someone wrote on your facebook wall..) then went to bed.

yesterday i got on my train..twice. the first time i got kicked off, along with about a hundred other people, because the train was so full. there's a festavel going on here for the next five days or so, and everyone decided to leave on the same day and time that i wanted to leave. so i went to the waiting room and took a nap for an hour and a half, then made my way to the next train that was leaving. it took me a little while to walk through the train to find seats that wern't reserved already, but finally i found a compartment that had one free seat. the other five that reserved the rest of the compartment arrived a few minutes before the train left,and honistly, i wish they'd been late. they were all between the ages of fifteen and seventeen, and were the most inconsiderate, loud, obnoxious group of german children i've ever encountered in my life. the moment the train arrived in budapest and they left the train was one of the most releaving moments in a long time. however, something good did come from my train ride from hell. i met a really nice austrialian girl named alex. we found a hostel together and today we spent the day in search of food, and the pretty part of budapest. yesterday was so frusturating, because we kept getting lost, and i'm just getting used to backpacking again, so my bag felt so heavy, and nothing we were seeing was pretty, and everyone was so rude, and, and, and..complaints, complaints, complaints! pfft, i need to just shut up and enjoy everything! :)

so, yesterday was frusturating, but today was good. we got up early to go on this free walking tour, but we couldn't find the spot, so we went to mcdonalds, and it started to rain, so we went back to our hostel. we decided to go out once the weather chilled out, and we discovered the most beautiful things! we went to where the chain bridge was, and walked to the other side (the pest side) and found an amazing view where we took pictures and talked about boys. tomorrow we're going to try to do the walking tour again, and go see the spa's. she's leaving for prague in the evening, and i need to figure out what i'm doing and where i'm going next. there's a few things i'm considering, but i'll just go to the train station tomorrow i think and ask where the cheapest places i can go are. i sware, i'll actually write more. it took me so long to write about the past week, it'll be so much easier if i write every few days.

lovelovelove <3

Monday, August 3, 2009

i've got a feeling, that tonight's going to be a good night..

traveling, day one
flew from dublin to munich with teresa at 7:20am, which ment that i got zero sleep last night. the two hours of shut-eye i managed to gather was blissfull. after the flight, teresa's friend tony came to pick us up, and we hung out in munich for the day. i was so exausted though that it was hard to enjoy as much as i would have liked. thankfully i'll go back for my last few days, so i'll get to see a bit more, and it'll all actually sink in. i ate real german food, and drank real german beer, and let me tell you; you haven't had beer untill you've had german beer. it was the most beautiful thing in my life! haha. the resturant we went to was actually the place where hitler first started to rally peopl together. later, tony went to say goodbye to a friend who was leaving, so teresa and i went to see a film. well, she went to see the film, i went to sleep. the movie was fanboy or something, and it was all in german, but from what i saw when i wasn't napping, it looked pretty stupid. we drove by where oktober fest is held every year, and they were already starting to set everything up. i didn't get a chance to take a picture though, hopefully i see it again!
after munich, we started the drive to tony's house, i honistly couldn't tell you exactly where i am right now, but i know i'm in austria, near the alps? tomorrow morning we're driving into another little town where there's lots of lakes, and it's the place where mozart was born. the weather's supposed to be better tomorrow (fingers crossed) i want to get my tan on!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

i'm not who you think i am, i slipped a stranger inside.

saddest news of my life:
i'm leaving dublin on monday..
most exciting thing right now:
i'm leaving dublin on monday!!!

that's right friends, my time here has finally come to an end. i'm still trying to decide if i'll ever come back again, or if this goodbye will be for good.
so! here's the plan; i fly to munich at 7:20am on monday, with my dear friends teressa. we meet up with one of her friends, and for the next six days, the three of us take a road trip to italy, then to vienna. i'm so excited! it'll be great to have one final adventure with teressa, and to be shown around her home (vienna) she'll fly out of vienna, and i'll continue on by myself. heading up to prague, budapest, and who knows where else. but during my last week i'm going to italy to spend time with greta, then back to munich to head home. mmm, i'm so looking forward to everything <3

so today i'm going to let work know i'm leaving. i don't plan on telling my manager though, because apparently she'll go crazy, so i'm going to tell one of the assistant managers. i'll tell them that i have to leave, because i just got accepted to this really good school that i never thought i'd get in to, so i need to leave right away so i can get everything sorted with it. super nervous,but hopefully everything works out with it. the company i work for makes me so mad though. when you quit, they're supposed to give you your holiday pay if you haven't taken your holidays yet, but they don't. i'm sure there's other things i'm going to miss out on as well when i quit, but whatever. that place is the worst job i've ever worked at in my life. i'm so excited to go back to sterling shoes!

i think that's about all the exciting news i have (oh! i got my tregus pierced!)..i promise that when i start traveling i'll write more! i'll be actually seeing exciting things, other than the inside of my work, room, and clubs :)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

after all this time, who'd have thought i'd meet you here?

so, some exciting news: tomorrow i'm going to call about changing my flight.
seriously, if it wasn't for having to go back to canada for school, i'd stay here until my visa finishes in feb, haha. but i guess i'll just have to settle for a few extra weeks. i want to stay in dublin for longer, and i want to travel for longer. fingers crossed it isn't going to cost me loads of euros..i also want to fly out of dublin instead of munich, so hopefully that works out too!

umm..even more exciting..?
I WENT TO THE BRITNEY SPEARS CONCERT LAST NIGHT!!
...
i'm not even kidding.
i was at work on friday night (untill five in the morning, woop! ..ugh) and a group of people came in to eat, and asked me if i wanted britney spears tickets. i didn't think they were being serious, so i was like, "uh..no, it's okay" and then i was downstairs on my break eating, and i heard someone scream. i didn't think too much of it, because the joy of working at a place like eddie rockets is that we always get drunk girls screaming over everything.
examples;
Q: a friend walks in the door. what does a drunk girl do?
A: scream

Q: a song they haven't heard in a while plays in the restaurant, what does a drunk girl do?
A: scream

Q: someone at the table tries drunk girls strawberry malt, what does the drunk girl do?
A: scream

as you can see, there could have been many reasons why this girl was screaming at the top of her lungs at 2:00 in the morning. however, when i went upstairs, i discovered that it was not one of these, or any other common reason, it was because she was now the owner of four tickets to see miss britney spears. so i started thinking to myself, "jessica, why didn't you just take the tickets, but oh well, no matter, it's not the end of the world, not even close.." but still, i found myself imagining being at the show, in the same building as the former(?) queen/princess of pop (what do we call her now-a-days? ..besides a mess of course..) but low and behold, as one of my other tables were leaving, the girl turned around and walked back towards me and asked me if i wanted some tickets to see britney spears. i was so confused, and i asked her how everyone had all these tickets to give away (the starting price was €80 that they were being sold for..) and she said it's because they were all in the show. now, i like to think that i won't make the same mistake twice (history proves otherwise..) but i told her "yes please!" and i gratefully accepted the three tickets. the concert was great, even though she only actually sang one song for real. i've never been to a concert where people were lip-syncing (unless alexisonfire, underoath, from first to last, among others were just very good at it..) but i thought it would be a bit more believable.. i seriously could have been listening to her cd..it was crazy. that's not to say it wasn't entertaining though. the whole thing was set up like a circus, and the people in the show were soo amazing!

i hate my job today! it's so weird going into a place that i work and not have everyone say hi as you walk through. and no one talks while they work!! we can go two hours without saying a word to someone else. during my shift today, that really bothered me for some reason. some people i work with aren't like that, but there's only about three..so working with those three is always a treat, but otherwise it's hell. ..haha, sometimes i have to laugh about it though, they're all way too serious about everything. but i really can't wait to go back to sterling shoes <3 it's really my favorite job everr! i love the people, and i love the shoes, and i love the actual job itself! gah, thinking about going back to work is making me not want to change my flight, and just go back and work. this is how my mind's been lately..i'm always changing it. just from the start of the blog to here i'm reconsidering..haha. i think it's the lifestyle here. i'm going to be so thrown off when i go back to my "real life" and i have real responsibilities..i mean, here i have to pay rent, buy my own food, figure everything out myself, but when i go back to vancouver..i'll have school! ughh..well, and rent too still..but i'd rather just be here. (look, i changed my mind again..and this is why i don't write in my blog often..it's such a mess, because i write what i think, as i think it, and clearly my heads a mess right now..

anyway, i'll have to write again in the next few days to offer an update on my return flight. i have saturday and sunday off work this weekend, so depending on when i work on monday, i think i'm going to go explore somewhere :)

peace and love, friends. <3

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

there's still a little bit of your words i long to hear.

so i promise i've tried to write in my blog more. a few weeks ago i wrote a massive entry, and then my computer over-heated and shut off. i waited about five minutes while i observed the two knacker-girls fighting outside on my street, and then i started again, and wrote an even longer blog..hey? guess what happened..my computer shut off again. so i got super frusturated and just called it a night and went to bed..

so, here's the update, since my last blog:
it's been my birthday! wohoo..19...!? it really doesn't count for anything here, except that now when i go out i feel a bit less like a child, because it's been one year that i've been legal here..that feeling will vanash as soon as i land back in vancouver, so i'll enjoy it while i can.
my birthday was on a saturday, and that night i had to work (until 5:30am) so i went out on friday night. it was so much fun! i met up with a girl from italy that used to hang out with all the spanish people, who had left dublin a while ago. she came back just to get some of her stuff, and we went to a discotech where a friend of her friends was djing. it was amazing!! we got on the guest list, so we didn't have to pay or wait in the massive line, and there were so many people there.
i went to my friends work the next day, and he bought me a cake, because i was feeling a little homesick. and greta bought me a cupcake and left it next to my bed (i ate so much junk food that day, haha)
work was shit, because i had to work with a really rude french girl, and she almost made me cry (i get to work with her again tonight..ugh) but it was okay, because the other guy i was closing with and i played songs on the jukeboxes all night, and the doormen cheered me up :)

yesterday was rent-day, and usually i hate those days, but it was so much fun! i was off, so i ran a few errands, then met up with my friend rory and a girl who works with him in temple bar. she wanted to go for a drink before she started work, so we went to a place called the morgan for drinks. she went off to work, and rory and i went to a pub next door where these three cute old men were playing old jazz songs (and drank some more). another of rory's friends met up with us there, and we hung out for a bit. rory and i went back to my flat after, because rent had to be paid, and we had to talk to the landlord about the deposit, and not finding people to move into the flat, and lowering the rent, ect. the landlord told us that he'd give us back the deposit, and to not find someone else to move in, because three of us wouldn't be here next month, so when we leave he's going to do-up the flat and the remaning guy who lives here would move back in with three other people when it's all done. sooo..amazing news! because i was stressing about finding someone to move in when i leave, and now i don't even have to worry about it-i'll get my deposit back anyway! :) i met up with two other friends later last night at a club i'm now in love with! they play all indie-electro music, and drinks are really cheep, and it's really the most amazing place. i went last tuesday with them too, and the owner got us in for free because they work for him, and last night they put me on the guest list, so i didn't have to pay again :) mmm..tuesdays <3

i really, really don't want to leave dublin! i'm so happy here :) i'm so back and forth though..one day i want to start traveling, the next day i just want to stay here forever. if it wasn't for the fact that everyone's always leaving, it would be nearly impossible to get me to go back to canada. but i feel that when i leave, i'm not going to come back..i don't think i'll be able to. i'll get too sad, because there will be too many memories. i've had such an amazing time here, and i don't regret anything! i'm always going to remember the friends i made, and i'm excited to keep in touch with them, and see them again some day. i'm also happy that i've seen the true side of some people i've met, and i've distanced myself from them. the exciting thing though is that i'm only half-way done my trip..part one is going to end in a few weeks, but part two is going to open my eyes to even more amazing things.